How to Live Your Best Life: Lessons I’ve Gathered
I run a weekly men’s group in town and we discuss a variety of topics from emotional abuse, using children, isolation, economic abuse, spiritual abuse, etc.
In this particular group, we fell into a debate about the key things that we need to live a good, healthy life. We landed on: strive to be free of stress — negative stress. Be content. Be fearless (accept the uncontrollable).
Stress Doesn’t Live Here Anymore
A 70-year old male began with his most honest advice:
“Jon, I can tell you the best way to live is stress-free. How can one live stress-free in today’s environment, especially if one lives in a big city, they always ask? Well, what is the damn thing? [Stress]
Stress is a gut reaction, a feeling, in response to an external stimulus. We have been conditioned to react stressfully to an external stimulus (fight or flight gets triggered and we respond in an instant; for “protection”). All you have to do is change your reaction to the particular stimulus, which causes you stress. How? In an instant!
You DECIDE this very moment that this stimulus (traffic, mean boss, angry customer, etc.) is not going to cause you stress. It is an easy decision to make, but it will have to be done at every opportunity until it becomes second nature to you. And then you will be able to completely live stress-free. The rest of your life will fall nicely into place.”
I’m glad you’re flashy, but that’s not me; I’m good. I’m Content.
I continued, stress is a huge part of how you achieve happiness in life, but so is being content. So often, and with the advancement of social media, we compare ourselves to each other.
What this does is produce feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and prompt the need for something or somewhere better. It’s completely fabricated. The truth about social media? We often view the highlight reel of someone’s life. Or, the selected clips of what they want you to see — it’s not the real thing, so why bother?
That moment I realized; if there can be an ultimate state to achieve in life; there can be only this. The ultimate answer to living your best life is — trying to be in this state as much as possible. Nothing in this life will matter if you are content. And the fun fact is; you don’t even NEED anything actually to become content. Being content is a choice. Once you think you are content; you truly are.
If you are content with what you have: what does it matter if somebody else has some other definition of contentment/happiness/success?
Define success? Define happiness? It is different for each individual. Find your own and love that.
If you give yourself a wrong identity; or create a wrong identity for yourself; you are doomed — chasing someone else’s belief and never fulfilled.
We’ve all heard it before, and it’s true: Be happy with what you have and who you are — that is something no one can take from you. When you are grounded upon this idea, you’ll equip yourself with more strength than you’ve ever known.
Fearless, featuring _____ .
In our lives, we’re scared of almost everything that could ruin our plan of a perfect life.
1. What if I don’t pass my X exam?
2. What if he/she gets higher marks?
3. What if my crush doesn’t accept me?
4. What if he/she cheats on me?
5. What if I don’t earn enough money?
6. What if I disappoint my (enter important relationship)?
I’ve seen many people, in real life and on the internet, that are scared of these ‘what ifs’. They ruin their present worrying about something that might not even happen (back to negative stress!). They miss out on important relationships, chances to build a network, and chances to socialize with their peers. In the end, they hurt themselves in the future because they’re worrying about things that really don’t matter. Living in the fear of such questions makes you forget the present, the wonderful life you have now, and the many opportunities to do something new and exciting.
Instead of asking a negative ‘what if’ question, reframe your thoughts, why not ask it positively?
1. What if I pass my exam?
2. What if I get the highest marks in my class?
3. What if my crush accepts me?
4. What if my love doesn’t cheat on me?
5. What if I earn enough money?
6. What if I make my (enter important relationship) proud?
In my experience, by asking positive questions and by surrounding yourself with positivity, you welcome good things in your life. I truly believe that. If you don’t believe me, you can try a little experiment at home. It may be silly, but go home, look in the mirror and tell yourself positive thoughts –You will begin to see change with your day and behavior.
When you wake up in the morning to go to work or school, look in the mirror and say hurtful, negative things to yourself; let me know how your day went. I’m pretty sure you’ll have a crappy day.
The next day, do the opposite; look in the mirror and say positive things to yourself. It may seem silly, but tell yourself, I can, I’m able, I will, etc., and you’ll have an amazing day.
Additionally, don’t tell yourself, “This is going to be a bad day” or “Mondays suck” because you’re framing your mind to revolve around that; I challenge you to do the opposite, even if you don’t believe it at first, you’ll see the difference in your interactions and day.
I’ve done this experiment on myself, and I can tell you, that I truly understand why it’s important to be positive. It’s a CHOICE.
The point of this is to live in the present and enjoy what you have. Plan, yes, but do not allow yourself to become scared of the future, or the unknown; don’t live in fear.
While it’s already the middle of the week, it’s never too late to get started. I hope you all have a good week and let me know what you think… tomorrow, have your BEST day!
For more on lifestyle, health, and positivity visit selfascent.com
