What It’s Living With A Mental Illness

My work week (& sometimes weekends) are normally booked. I go between 3–5 clients Monday through Friday, facilitating two groups in between the week. Normally, our groups instruct our members to focus on themselves and own behavior. Sometimes, information about their significant other slips through. One afternoon, a gentleman told me that it was difficult trying to understand his significant other — that he wanted to relate to her and her mental illness (clinical depression) — but didn’t truly know how. As much as we say “love her; be there; be patient; practice empathy” for some, it doesn’t set in. His question was:

“What’s it like living with a mental illness?”

A question, he asked because he didn’t think it was as widespread and believed there to be a lot of resources for those who suffer with one. He might’ve asked his significant other or was too fearful of what the reaction might be.

Mental illness is real. In fact, around 450 million people currently suffer from such conditions, placing mental illness among the leading causes of ill-health and disability worldwide (World Health Organization, 2019). Treatments are available, but nearly two-thirds of people with a known mental illness never seek help from a health professional. Stigma, discrimination and neglect prevent care and treatment from reaching people with mental illnesses worldwide (World Health Organization, 2019).

Prevalence Of Mental Illness

• Approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. — 43.8 million, or 18.5% — experiences mental illness in a given year.
• Approximately 1 in 25 adults in the U.S. — 9.8 million, or 4.0% — experiences a serious mental illness in a given year that substantially interferes with or limits one or more major life activities.
• Approximately 1 in 5 youth aged 13 — 18 (21.4%) experiences a severe mental disorder at some point during their life. For children aged 8 — 15, the estimate is 13%.3
• 6.9% of adults in the U.S. — 16 million — had at least one major depressive episode in the past year.6
• 18.1% of adults in the U.S. experienced an anxiety disorder such as posttraumatic stress disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and specific phobias.

(National Alliance of Mental Health, 2019).

And those are just who have reported; The resources are out there, treatment centers, therapy, groups, books, classes, etc. So, there are a lot of individuals who are struggling with mental illness but lack the connection to the resources, live in fear of the consequences, or are survivors, stuck in a battle with a persistent condition that won’t quit.

I told him I would have an answer the next time we saw each other. Following, I asked a good friend who was diagnosed with depression, a depression so severe that it was interfering with her functioning in life.

This was her response:

“Exhausting. Depression sucks. It’s like trying to get a car moving with no gas, and everyone’s racing past you wondering why you’re being a stupid [redacted] that isn’t moving.

So you get out and start pushing that car, but it wears you out, and people get frustrated with you and complain that you’re being a slow [redacted], and you try to explain that you have no gas, but they don’t really get it because their tanks have been full their entire lives. And you’re gonna be alone too, since who wants to travel that slowly? And if you do get someone, he's gonna sit in the front seat and yell at you to push faster.

So you either go to a place where you feel like offing yourself once your legs give out, or you get a doctor to dump some “pseudo-fuel” in your car that’ll make it go just fine, but once you stop using it, your car will run in reverse and then you’re really [redacted].

Most of us though, get by, by pushing that ugly car every day little by litte in our dreary lives. And every time someone roars past you, tossing a soda cup or a beer bottle at you and your horrible car, you just push your face to the fender and keep pushing. You come upon the wreckage of those people who went too fast, who threw [redacted] at you and mocked you for not being able to cruise along, and you see people stopping to mourn the burning dead, but you don’t feel sad, no, you just keep pushing that car, ignoring the wreckage.

I stopped really feeling anything except anger, so I held on to that like it was the only thing that could save me. I kept convincing myself I was just stressed and had a lot to deal with and I could handle it. The oddest thing, though, was the suicidal idealization. I didn’t actually want to die, I just wished every single night that I wouldn’t wake up. It was a complete and overwhelming feeling of, “I will never be free of this [redacted]” and when I wasn’t raging about that, I didn’t care about anything. It was as if I were in greyscale and the world was in color.”

With just focusing on depression right now, there is a difference between “depression” and “clinical depression”, as one is used loosely, and the other marketed by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

For the sake of clarification, let’s call one “situational” and the other, “clinical”.

Everyone feels sadness from time to time; maybe even triggered by an event. Sadness is a natural human emotion. Situational depression is short-term, often resolving in time, and talking about the problem can ease recovery – this is most often just a “bad mood” or a response to change. For example, this can come from a struggle (trigger) to come to terms with dramatic life changes.

Triggers may include:

• divorce
• loss of a job
• the death of a close friend
• a serious accident
• other major life changes, such as retirement

Symptoms vary but may include:

• feelings of hopelessness and sadness
• sleeping difficulties
• frequent episodes of crying
• unfocused anxiety and worry
• loss of concentration
• withdrawal from normal activities as well as from family and friends

However, clinical depression is a more severe condition that is persistently present, impacting the functioning of every part of someone’s life. This is sometimes known medically as “major depressive disorder.”

Somewhere, there is a disturbance in the levels of certain chemicals, such as neurotransmitters, in an individual’s brain causing imbalances in their mood.

However, other factors are likely to play a role:

• genetic factors may influence an individual’s response to an experience or event
• major life events can trigger negative emotions, such as anger, disappointment, or frustration
• alcohol and drug dependence also have links to depression
• Depression can also alter a person’s thought processes and bodily functions.

As per the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), for clinical depression:

• A person must show five or more symptoms from a specific list of criteria, over a 2-week period, for most of nearly every day.
• The symptoms should be severe enough that they substantially reduce the person’s ability to perform regular duties and routines.
• At least one of the symptoms must be a depressed mood or a loss of interest or pleasure.

Other signs and symptoms include:

• depressed mood or constant irritability
• significantly reduced interest or feeling no pleasure in activities
• significant weight loss or weight gain
• a decrease or increase in appetite
• insomnia or an increased desire to sleep
• restlessness or slowed behavior
• tiredness or loss of energy
• feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt
• trouble making decisions or concentrating
• recurrent thoughts of death or suicide or a suicide attempt

Some people with clinical depression may even experience delusions, hallucinations, and other psychotic disturbances.

So, she did a terrific job of showing how it was to experience a mental illness throughout her life.

With a healthy lifestyle, the right treatment plan, and a good supporting cast, either can be manageable.

My response to the male that asked me that great question:

“Can you imagine what it’s like to lose the will to do anything and just kind of hang around everyday, accomplishing nothing and hating yourself for that? Feeling outcasted, misunderstood, and lonely? Even if surrounded by a group of people?

He nodded slow.

What’s the lesson to be learned?

If you’re suffering from a mental illness – you’re not alone. Shake the insecurity and brave where you’re at; you’re most likely a strong individual. Seek treatment, look for resources, and be sure about the people you choose to rely on.

If you are not someone with a mental illness, but there is a barrier between you and a significant other, a close friend, acquaintance, etc., and it’s because of an underlying mental illness – please, give them the benefit of doubt and be someone tough, dependable, unwavering, and consistent; or leave, if you can’t be. In a world where everyone likes to point the finger at everyone else’s flaws, consistency in the face of struggle might just save someone’s life or make their day better. I tell you what, a pay check is nice, but there is no greater joy than making someone’s day or week; to look someone else in the eye and say, “It’s okay. You’re normal. I’m messed up too.”

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References

• National Alliance of Mental Health. (2019). Retrieved March 11, 2019, from https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-By-the-Numbers
• World Health Organization. (2019). Retrieved March 11, 2019, from https://www.who.int/whr/2001/media_centre/press_release/en/